Karaoke for Weird Al Yankovic - AlbuquerqueWeird Al Yankovic - Albuquerque (11:11)created by clq
# A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Register in order to contribute under your name »» Read karaoke FAQ »» LyricsWay back when I was just a little bitty boy living in a box underthestairs in the corner of the basement of the house half a blockdown the street from Jerry's Bait Shop... You know the place... Wellanyway, back then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust peachy... except of course for the undeniable fact that every singlemorning my mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut forbreakfast. Dawww!! Big bowl of sauerkraut! Every single mornin'! It was driving me crazy. I said to my mom, I said, Hey, mom, what's up with all thesauerkraut? And my dear, sweet mother, she just looked at me like a cow looksat an oncoming train. And she leaned right down next to me, and shesaid, IT'S GOOD FOR YOU! And then she tied me to the wall and stuck afunnel in my mouth and force fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was 26 anda half years old. That's when I swore that someday, someday I would get outtathat basement and travel to a magical, far away place, where the sunis always shining and the air smells like warm root beer, and thetowels are oh so fluffy! Where the shriners and the lepers play theirukuleles all day long, and anyone on the street will gladly shave yourback for a nickel! Wacka wacka, doo doo, yeah! Well, let me tell you, people, it wasn't long at all before mydream came true. Because the very next day, a local radio station hadthis contest to see who could correctly guess the number of moleculesin Leonard Nimoy's butt. I was off by three, but I still won thegrand prize. That's right, a first class, one-way ticket... to Albuquerque! Albuquerque! Oh yeah. You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before, andI gotta tell ya, it was really great... except that I had to sit betweentwo large Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor. And thelittle kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time. The flight attendantsran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts, and the in-flight movie wasBio-Dome with Pauly Shore...and, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burnedout, and we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside and the planeexploded in a giant fireball and everybody died. Except for me. You know why? 'Cause I had my tray table up And my seat back in the full upright position Had my tray table up And my seat back in the full upright position Had my tray table up And my seat back in the full upright position Ah-ha-ha-ha. Ah-ha-ha. Aahhh. So I crawled from the twisted,burnin' wreckage, I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days,draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag and my tenorsaxophone and my 12-pound bowlin' ball and my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel. But finally I arrived at the worldfamous Albuquerque Holiday Inn where the towels are oh so fluffy! Andyou can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna. It's OK,they're clean. Well, I checked into my room, and I turned down the A/C, and Iturned on the SpectraVision, and I'm just about to eat that littlechocolate mint on my pillow that I love so very, very much, when suddenlythere's a knock on the door. Well, now, who could that be? I say, Who is it? No answer. Who is it? There's no answer. WHO IS IT!? They're not sayin' anything. So finally, I go over and I open the door, and just as Isuspected, it's some big, fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagullshaircut, and only one nostril. Oh, man, I hate it when I'm right. So, anyway, he bursts into my room, and he grabs my luckysnorkel, and I'm like, Hey, you can't have that! That snorkel's been justlike a snorkel to me. And he's like, Tough! And I'm like, Give it! And he's like, Make me! And I'm like, 'kay! So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus, and I bit offhis ear and he chewed off my eyebrows, and I took out his appendix and hegave a colonic irrigation, yes indeed, you better believe it. Andsomehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook. Andtwenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice. And you know what itsaid? I'll tell ya what it said! It said, If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and tryagain. If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator. If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again. If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator. In Albuquerque! Albuquerque! Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel. ButI made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest, Iwould not sleep for an instant, until the one-nostrilled man wasbrought to justice. But first, I decided to buy some donuts. So I got in my car, andI drove over to the donut shop, and I walked on up to the guybehind the counter and he says, Yeah, whaddaya want?? I said, You got any glazed donuts? He said, Nah, we're outta glazed donuts. I say, Well, you got any jelly donuts? He said, No, we're outta jelly donuts. I said, You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts? He said, No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts. I said, You got any cinnamon rolls? He said, No, we're outta cinnamon rolls! I said, You got any apple fritters? He said, No, we're outta apple fritters! I said, You got any bear claws? He said, Wait a minute, I'll go check. No, we're outta bear claws! I said, Well, in that case... in that case, what do you have? He says, All I got right now is this box of one dozen starvingcrazed weasels. I said, OK, I'll take that. So he hands me the box, and I open up the lid, and the weaselsjump out and they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me allover. Oh, man, they were just goin' nuts! They were tearin' me apart!You know, I think it was just about that time that a little dittystarted goin' through my head. I believe it went a little somethin' likethis: DOH! Get 'em off me! Get 'em off me! Ohhh! No, get 'em off, get'em off! Oh, oh God, oh God! Oh, get 'em off me! Oh, oh God! Ah, AaaaaaahhhhhhhhhOhhhhhhhhhh! I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels allover my face, wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin',runnin' like a constipated wiener dog. And as luck would have it, that'sexactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams. Her name was Zelda. Shewas a caligraphy enthusiast, with a slight overbite, and hair the colorof strained peaches. I'll never forget the very first thing she saidto me. She said, Hey, you've got weasels on your face. That's when I knew it was true love. We were inseparable afterthat. Aw, we ate together, we bathed together, we even shared the samepiece of mint-flavored dental floss. The world was our burrito. So wegot married, and we bought us a house and had two beautifulchildren, Nathaniel and Superfly. Oh we were so very, very, very happy, ohyeah. But then, one fateful night, Zelda said to me, she said,Sweetie pumpkin? Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club? I said,Woah! Hold on now, baby! I'm just not ready for that kind of acommitment! So we broke up, and I never saw her again but that's just the way things go In Albuquerque! Albuquerque! Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me, because about aweek later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream. That's right, I gotme a part-time job at the Sizzler! I even made employee of the monthafter I put out that grease fire with my face. Aw yeah, everybody waspretty jealous of me after that. I was gettin' a lot of attitude. OK, like one time, I was out in the parkin' lot, tryin' to removemy excess earwax with a golf pencil, when I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry a big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself. SoI-I say to him, I say, Hey, you want me to help you with that? And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes, No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw! So I did. And then he gets all indignant on me. He's like, Hey, man, I wasjust being sarcastic! Well, that's just great. How was I supposed toknow that? I'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud. Besides, nowhe's got a really cute nickname - Torso-Boy! So what's he complainingabout? Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote. This guy comesup to me on the street and he tells me he hasn't had a bite in threedays. Well, I knew what he meant, but just to be funny, I took a bigbite out of his jugular vein. And he's yelling and screaming and bleedingall over, and I'm like, Hey, come on, don'tcha get it? But he justkeeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding and screaming,Aaaahhhh! AaaaahhhhOhhhhh! Aaaaahhhh! You know, completely missing theirony of the whole situation. Man, some people just can't take a joke, youknow? Anyway, um...um...where was I? Kinda lost my train of thought. Uh, well, uh, OK, anyway, I-I know it's kind of a roundabout wayof saying it, but, I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make hereis... I HATE SAUERKRAUT! That's all I'm really tryin' to say. And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up and find yourself in anexistential quandry, full of loathing and self-doubt and wracked with thepain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence, at least you cantake a small bit of comfort in knowing that somewhere out there inthis crazy ol' mixed-up universe of ours, there's still a littleplace called Albuquerque! Albuquerque! Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!) Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!) Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!) Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!) I said A! (A!) L! (L!) B! (B!) U! (U!) .... querque! (querque!) (Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque) (Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque) (Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque) (Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque) Al...buquerque! *burp* heh heh heh heh | ||
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